SILVER BELLS
Forgiveness: “The intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, lets go of negative emotions such as vengefulness, with an increased ability to wish the offender well.”
FORGIVENESS IS A funny thing. It was the subject of the entire week’s therapy sessions and it was something that Juliet was fighting with. After everything she went through in her life, those who had hurt her and used her and wronged her, how did anyone deserve to be forgiven? Her life had been hell. An absolute living nightmare. She still suffered in the aftermath and it affected her current life and she was supposed to…reverse negative attitudes and wish those monsters well? Well? She wished they would die slow, brutal, inhumane deaths a thousand times over.
“All right, then. Why don’t we start with Eric?” Dr. Thorne had suggested. “After all, he didn’t actually physically hurt you, did he?”
“No,” Juliet deadpanned. “But he betrayed my trust. He became someone different. He made a fool out of me.”
“Still, though,” Dr. Thorne pointed out. “He is the lesser of the two evils.”
The thing Juliet hated the most about the entire thing was that, in her last session, she’d been forced to vocalize the one feeling that she’d been suppressing since Eric had said those words: that deep down, she knew in her heart of hearts that Eric would never lay a finger on her to hurt her.
Juliet didn’t want to forgive him, though. Forgiving gave him power. It meant that he’d won. It was an open invitation to tear her heart out again, no matter how hard Dr. Thorne tried to convince her otherwise.
No, Eric hadn’t touched her. And he wouldn’t. But the fact that he’d even thought enough to say what he’d said? More hurtful than any strike she could have taken.
Juliet didn’t care how much she flirted with the idea of forgiving him—because it was extremely tempting and it made loads of sense—she wouldn’t do it. She wouldn’t forgive him. She wouldn’t wish him well…even if she did pray on a nightly basis that he was taking his insulin or that Travis was keeping a close eye on him or that his father was cutting him some slack at work.
And she certainly wouldn’t flirt with how happy she could possibly be once she’d forgiven him.
Because she would never forgive him.
Sucking in a deep breath, Juliet held her chin high as she stood in front of her bedroom’s full-length mirror. Choosing her party dress had been easy at first. Until she put on the red cocktail dress and stared at it in the mirror, down to her legs, and back up to where it hugged her waist. Red was the universal color of Christmas. It was bright and jolly and festive. It was also the color of power and confidence and strength.
And Eric’s favorite color on her.
No. This dress would never do. Besides, this was Beth’s party. Juliet didn’t want to be powerful and domineering. She just wanted to try to relax and have fun.
So she eyed the dark green velvet number that lay across her bed. Snatching it up, she held it against her body. The green was warm. And inviting. And approachable. And just as reputable a Christmas color as red was, if not more. The green would be perfect, yes. If only the material wasn’t so damn thick. She remembered sweating profusely every time she put it on. It why she never wore it. She wanted the warmth to be a human emotion, not her actual body temperature.
With a huff, she tossed the dress back onto the bed.
She really liked this red dress, though. With her hair pinned up off her shoulders and the right set of pearls, she could make this spaghetti-strapped number elegant, couldn’t she?
Then her eyes widened when she thought of the pearls and she couldn’t get out of the red dress fast enough. She then made a mad dash for her closet and feverishly leafed through her dresses until her eyes finally landed on the prize—and it was perfection. Cream-colored cashmere, wide-necked with a turned-down collar, three-quarter length sleeves, and just reached her knees. It accentuated her features just enough to be elegant with just a hint of sex appeal and, paired with a loose up-do and the right ruby jewelry, it would be absolutely perfect for tonight! Juliet grinned as she pulled her prize off the rack. She felt like Cinderella as the mice made her very first ball gown. It was modest and demure, but beautiful.
As she readied herself, checking the time often, as she was due at Beth’s a couple of hours before the party, Juliet smiled. It would be a beautiful party. The caterers were perfect and would be whipping up and serving a vast array of fun, classic, and filling Christmas hors d’oeuvres, the bar would be stocked with limitless spirits and mixers, a hired bartender specializing in Christmas-themed cocktails. Classic Christmas music would ring out through the penthouse and the décor would be an ever-elegant red and silver. “Silver Bells is the theme,” Juliet had announced to Beth. She breathed in a breath and smiled. “I just love that song. It’s one of my favorites.”
Silver bells were the theme all over the penthouse. On the tables, in the doorways, so tastefully arranged…and then Juliet gasped at herself in the mirror. The doorways! There were bells hanging from the doorways. But it was Beth’s and Travis’s party—what if they hung mistletoe? Jesus, why hadn’t she thought of that? Travis would be just the one to suggest it just so that he could catch Beth all over the house.
But Eric…
Eric would waste no time being up to his old tricks and manipulating a situation where he’d catch Juliet underneath it. She would die. She would never be able to resist shoving her tongue down his throat until he choked! Then she would die.
Juliet smiled wryly to herself. She wished he would choke. He deserved it.
Then her face fell.
Because she knew she’d be the first person at his side to resuscitate him.
Yes, this forgiveness thing was tricky. And she hated it.
* * *
Juliet gaped inside the silver gift bag that she held open with her finger. “Beth,” she whispered loudly. “This isn’t some…Hollywood awards show.”
“I know,” Beth whispered back, letting out a breath. “But Travis insisted. He said that it’s Christmas and our guests shouldn’t leave empty-handed.”
“You’re throwing them a whole god damned party!”
Beth blinked dreamily. “But he looked so happy. You should have seen his smile!”
Juliet grumbled inaudibly, choosing to ignore the way the very same smile on a different face caused her to melt. Instead, she focused on the monstrosities in the bag. Gift cards, electronics, jewelry-- “Is that a Rolex?” Juliet squeaked.
Beth nodded, curling her lip up in regret.
Juliet let go of the bag and stepped away, shaking her head. “I don’t even want to know about the diamonds. I’m not even taking one of these home.”
“Oh, but yours is special!” Beth grinned excitedly.
Juliet glared at her. “Your boyfriend is insane.”
Beth’s grin widened. “But that’s why I love him.”
“Have you told him, yet?”
“Ladies!” Travis’s voice rang out behind them.
Both women glanced behind them to watch Travis approach them at the gift table. “What the hell is he wearing?” Juliet murmured.
Travis looked incredible, as always. He pulled off “hobo chic” like no other, with his blonde scruff bringing out the blue in his eyes and his unruly, shoulder-length locks popped up in a ponytail on top of his head. He wore some type of red and white argyle cardigan over a white tank, faded jeans, and…bare feet. Naturally. He was a complete hippie—manufactured by Calvin Klein.
But it wasn’t his hair or his outfit, or even the beer bottle he clutched in his hand. It was the headband he wore with the fake mistletoe hanging off of it. Juliet was appalled.
He approached, slinging an arm around each of their necks, stealing a kiss from Beth, the headband jingling away, making it that much more hideous. “Ladies! Admiring the hardware?’
Juliet curled her nose up at him. “This is a Christmas party, not some bullshit frat party.”
“Hey,” he smirked. “The ladies never left my party with diamonds, I’ll tell you that.”
“That’s another subject entirely,” Juliet replied with an arched brow. “But for now I’m referring to that tacky abomination on your head.”
“It’s Christmas!” He laughed. “And it’s my party, I can wear what I want to.” Then he leaned over and planted a loud, sloppy smooch on her cheek. Proud of himself, he smiled. “There. Now you can stop being jealous of my cutting-edge fashion sense.”
Juliet’s nostrils flared at a much-too-amused Beth. “Believe me, jealousy is an emotion I will never feel towards…that.”
“Ah, lighten up, have some eggnog. That bartender you hired sure knows his shit, that’s for sure.”
Juliet smiled triumphantly. “Of course he does. I handpicked him myself.”
Growing serious, Travis let his arm fall from Juliet’s shoulders. “Look, I’m really glad you made it tonight. It means a lot—to both me and Beth. And thank you for everything you’ve done for the party. It’s fucking amazing.”
Her smile widened. “Well, I was glad to do it. And I’m happy to be here.”
“You are?” Beth asked hopefully.
“I am,” Juliet nodded.
Beth’s eyes brightened excitedly at Travis. “I want to give her her bag now.”
“Babe…” Travis warned. “We agreed we would wait.”
“Okay, we waited. Please, can we give it to her?”
“Fine,” he relented.
With a giggle, Beth escaped and returned within seconds with a silver bag and thrust it at Juliet. “Merry Christmas! Hurry, open it!”
“Is there even anything in it?” Juliet joked. “You know, it feels like exactly what I wanted—nothing.”
But with a smile, she poked through the tissue anyway. Inside were two envelopes. In the thicker one, she pulled out an itinerary for a spa weekend getaway for two. Looking up at Beth, the blood drained from her face. She wouldn’t…
Beth giggled. “It’s for you and me! First weekend in January, girls’ weekend, starting the year off right!”
Juliet smiled, letting out a breath of relief. Her heart rate, however, fought to come down along with her breathing. “Ah. Well. I’m looking forward to it, it sounds like exactly what we both need after the year we’ve had.”
“Right?” Beth agreed. “Anyway, keep going.”
In the second envelope was a…receipt? It took a moment of studying for Juliet to understand what it was and, when she did, she blinked the threat of tears out of her eyes and looked up at Beth and Travis. “What did you do?” She whispered.
Glancing at Travis, Beth answered, “We funded Loving Care’s meals for Christmas day. And then Travis had a brilliant idea and we had a fund started specifically for utilities. Donated funds to utility bills can be deposited directly into it. We, um, put a little jumpstart in there and…we did it all in your name. I—we—know how much the home means to you and…” Beth paused to smile. “I know how the diamonds and the cards would have been thrown back into Travis’s face.”
“With force,” Juliet laughed. Then she sniffed her tears back and dabbed her eyes with her index knuckle. “You guys. This is wonderful. It’s perfect, it’s—I don’t even know how to thank you enough.”
“Look around,” Travis smiled. “If it were left up to me, there’d be a keg in the corner and beer pong with elf hats next to it. Merry Christmas.”
Juliet smiled and she hugged them both tightly. “You two are the best, you know that? I love you both. Merry Christmas.”
“All right,” Travis said as he pulled away. “Are we done with the mushy shit tonight? The party’s getting started and I’m…” His voice trailed off as he looked at Beth. “Not single and ready to mingle?”
“You got the not single part right,” Beth deadpanned. “If that thing on your head finds any other woman’s lips but mine, so help me God…”
“Don’t worry,” Travis smiled as he adjusted it on his head. “I just wanna wear it long enough to see Barry’s face when I approach him. It’ll be worth it.”
He pecked Beth’s cheek one more time before he walked away and Beth shook her head and crossed her arms over her chest. “Boys will be boys.”
As the evening progressed, the party grew. In the mix, Juliet lost Beth, but that was okay. She had plenty to keep her company. Manuel introduced her to his beautiful boyfriend, Carter, before actively scolding her for styling her own hair. “I’m not saying it looks bad, darling, I’m just saying that…uggh, you should have just called me!”
Jason showed up sans his miniature carbon copy and he looked magnificent, the way his white sweater glowed against his naturally tan skin. “Look at that,” he smiled amused. “Great minds think alike. Hey, if we got a picture in front of the tree, it would be the perfect Christmas card!” The alcohol and the joyous aura in the air caused her to go for it and, soon, they were taking cliché prom pictures and horrible “family” photos in front of Travis’s—or Beth’s, rather—enormously elaborate tree. And then they howled in laughter all over again as they reviewed them.
It felt good to laugh. It felt wonderful. It felt calm and freeing. It was something Juliet didn’t realize she desperately needed until she found herself in the act and she never wanted to stop laughing, even when the tears threatened to ruin her mascara. But, alas, the moment was over and Travis, who had played photographer, actively went in search of a worthy victim with the mistletoe still hanging from his head and Jason saw some people he wanted to say hello to. Left to her own devices, Juliet spotted Beth standing by the portable bar and she nearly leapt for joy.
Beth smiled as Juliet approached. “Jules! I was looking for you!”
Juliet returned the smile. “What’s going on?”
“Jonathan, here, has offered up a taste test of a few of his creations and I thought maybe you’d like to partake.”
“Absolutely,” Juliet replied enthusiastically. Turning her torso around, her full attention on the young man behind the bar, she was delighted to have a distraction. “What’s first?”
The cute brunette with the lashes for days presented them with a plate. On the plate, were marshmallows--browned on the bottom and hollowed out in the middle. Juliet’s eyes widened. “What is this?”
Jonathan smiled, exposing his swoon-worthy dimples, and he winked. “These are toasted marshmallow shot glasses and this…” he trailed off, pouring into them, “is Bailey’s.”
“That’s it?” Juliet blinked, astonished.
“Sometimes less is more.”
“Okay,” Beth grinned excitedly. “How do we do it? Just shoot and eat?”
“Yep,” he replied. “That’s all there is to it.”
“And you invented this?” Juliet asked.
“No,” he shook his head. “But it’s cool, isn’t it?”
Together, Beth and Juliet nearly inhaled their tasty treats. Juliet’s mouth screamed for more. “Beth…this is absolutely…we need these. We need more of these and I’m going to…need someone to carry me home tonight.”
Beth howled with laughter. “Now, now, dear friend. We mustn’t be trashy hostesses.”
Juliet scoffed. “Speak for yourself. This is your party, not mine. Hit me, Johnny.”
As she watched him prepare two shot glasses with white liquid and sprinkles on the rim, speaking something about spice cake, Juliet lost her train of thought quickly as another voice filled her ears unexpectedly and she lost all focus on what was going on in front of her.
“Put me down for five,” he said.
“For Brezetski?” Terrell asked.
“Fuck yeah, for Brezetski. He’s gonna beat the shit out of that nobody and I’m gonna clean every one of you assholes out.”
“All right, then,” Terrell replied. “Five hundred for—“
“Thousand,” Eric corrected. “Five thousand.”
“Come on!” A chorus of four or five male voices rang out in objection to what even Juliet agreed was an outlandish wager.
“Just watch,” Eric replied confidently. “Watch and see. This newbie doesn’t stand a chance, everybody knows that.”
Juliet failed to fight the urge to turn around and her heart pounded as she rested her arm on the bar and turned her head. He was across the room, next to the sliding glass door, surrounded by Terrell, Travis, a few of their friends, and…Jason? She didn’t have time to take in the uncanny coincidence, however, as her eyes remained helplessly glued to Eric. He looked absolutely incredible. The first thing she’d noticed was his haircut. He’d styled it completely differently, but it suited him perfectly. It was short on the sides—Manuel would probably call that fading—and a little longer on top. The little bit that remained on top was pushed back off his forehead, presumably with product, which was something Juliet didn’t think he owned, but the new cut seemed to show more of his face, which made him even more beautiful than he already was, if that was possible. He looked well as he laughed with his friends, which was the first thing about him that sent her heart soaring the first time she ever laid eyes on him, and her heart skipped as many beats now as it had then. He was relaxed in a pair of jeans and a navy blue sweater that fit him so right that she could see how he’d grown in muscle since she last saw him. God, he was everything her dreams were made of.
Unfortunately, she wasn’t able to turn around before his eyes caught hers and, slowly, he lowered the beer bottle he had brought to his lips. It was apparent that he hadn’t expected to see her there, judging by his expression and then, as quickly shocked as he was, his face calmed and he studied her. Her heart pounded wildly in her chest and she could feel her body overheating quickly. She swallowed the lump that rose in her throat and planted her feet firmly on the floor so that she didn’t send herself flying into his arms. Because, despite the way she felt about him currently, that was exactly what she wanted to do in the moment. She wanted to fling herself into his arms and never let go.
But it wasn’t possible. So she turned her attention back to Beth, closing her eyes to collect herself, but unable to stop the tear that escaped one of them. As Juliet quickly wiped it off of her cheek, Beth placed a hand gently on her shoulder. “Sweetie,” she said softly. “Are you okay?”
“I don’t know,” Juliet whispered with a headshake. “I don’t know, I—don’t tell me he’s coming over here. Please don’t let him come over here.”
“He isn’t.”
“Are you sure?”
“Uh…pretty sure. I mean, that requires walking, right? Not just standing there and silently mouthing to me, ‘Is she okay…’”
“Don’t answer him,” Juliet rushed. “Jesus, don’t even acknowledge it.”
“Jules,” Beth replied with concern. “I didn’t want this to be difficult on you—“
Juliet then sucked in her emotions, widened her eyes and blinked. “It isn’t. I’m fine. Everything is fine.”
“I don’t—I don’t think it is…”
“Spice cake shots?” Jonathan offered suddenly.
“Yes!” Juliet exclaimed. “Yes, please! And then make us your best holiday martinis and send us on our way. I have a feeling we could get into a lot of trouble with you.”
No, the truth was, Juliet could get into a lot of trouble with herself. Eric was bad news. She couldn’t let herself fall into that trap again. She couldn’t get reeled in by his smile or his laugh or the way he made her feel when their eyes met. She couldn’t allow it—and she wouldn’t. They weren’t meant to be, he’d already shown her that. He was just like everyone in her life ever was, a pretty picture painted for the world, but a completely different entity on the inside. No. The hurt and the betrayal was just too much.
Saved by Beth, her best friend linked their arms together, handed Juliet her martini glass, and led her into another room. Maybe someone ought to let Travis know that his date was now taken for the evening…
JASON WOULD BE lying if he didn’t admit to himself that he felt slightly awkward walking into this party. Reintroducing himself back into New York society hadn’t been incredibly easy, seeing as how he spent the majority of his time holed up in his apartment, helping his son with math homework. Snagging a few hours of adult time was as rare as it came and he seized every opportunity he could get. So as soon as he’d gotten off the phone with Beth and her invitation, he turned right around and called Clara to check her schedule. Now Noah was having cookies and milk at a sleepover with Clara’s grandchildren and Jason…was finding it painfully difficult to stop staring at Juliet in that tight, white dress.
It relieved his tension, however, when he’d arrived to a bubbly brunette who had already gotten a head start on the Christmas cheer. Between Travis’s ridiculous headgear and the laughter he shared with Juliet by the tree, and after a couple of starter beers, Jason loosened up pretty quickly. He tried to forget how awkward it felt, hanging out with Juliet’s ex while she stood across the room, but she seemed to be occupied, so it could have been worse, he decided. Eric looked a ton better, Jason had to admit. Fresh face, fresh hair…fresh smile. He seemed to be in better spirits, which was great for him, it was what he needed. Jason was glad to see him well. His curiosity, though, was still piqued and when he finally got Travis alone for a moment, he leaned over and asked, “How’s he doing?”
“Better,” Travis shrugged. “I guess. He stays at work all day. He’s taking his insulin, he’s coming out of the house. And I caught him a couple of times in his storage, loading tools and shit into his truck. Apparently he’s keeping busy. And it’s working for him.”
“Good, good,” Jason nodded. “Good for him.”
“Yeah,” Travis agreed. “Yeah, he worries me, that one.”
“People cope with shit differently,” Jason said. “Relationships end, your heart gets broken and…I mean, you gotta be allowed to grieve.”
Travis arched and eyebrow at him. “You’re the one who said—“
“Yeah. I did. Because there’s grieving and there’s jeopardizing your health. You said you were concerned for his well-being and you dealt with it. You’re a good brother. But sometimes you just gotta trust a person enough to allow them to grieve on their own.”
“You’re confusing the shit out of me, dude. That sounds like a complete contradiction of what you said last week—“
“Yeah, well. At the moment, I don’t even know what the hell I’m talking about…”
It was true. Because now Jason’s eyes were elsewhere and his lips forgot how to move. Her back was turned, but it didn’t even matter, he was mesmerized just the same. She wore a short, backless, long-sleeved red dress that was made entirely of sequins. Her skin was the color of flawless creamy peach and her mass of thick, dark, unruly waves cascaded down her back, nearly touching that tight, perfect ass. In fact, her entire body was tight and she was the most petite form he had ever laid eyes on. She was engaged in animated conversation with a small group of people around her, evidently the life of their little party and, as she spoke, she placed a sassy hand on her hip and sashayed to the side in a way that caused Jason’s knees to nearly hit the floor.
“J,” Travis said, ripping Jason out of his trance. “You okay?”
“Yeah…” his voice trailed off, glancing over at Travis. “Hey, who’s that?”
Travis looked ahead of them. “Who?”
“That,” Jason motioned with his beer. And then he was stumped. She was gone. His heart sank. “Never mind.”
“Okay… Look, I’m gonna go find one more person to accost with this thing before I get rid of it,” Travis’s eyes motioned upward, crossing just a little. “Beth’s starting to give me the evil eye about it. These women are so damn picky, aren’t they?”
“Tell me about it,” Jason murmured. But he had a feeling he’d let the little pixie in the red disco dress be picky with him till her heart was content.
As Travis walked away, Jason scanned the room, but there was no sign of her. With nothing else better to do, he lazily sauntered across the room with no real destination, quickly checking his phone for any possible messages from Clara.
As he pocketed his phone, Eric approached him, a water glass in his hand and the other hand shoved in his pocket. “Hey,” Eric murmured.
“Hey,” Jason greeted him. “Quite a wager you made back there.”
“Yeah,” Eric smirked. “That guy’s a sure thing. If I was worried about losing it, I wouldn’t have bet so high.”
“I hear you there.”
“Anyway, I, uh, took the wager back.”
Jason lifted his brows. “Oh?”
“Yeah. I thought about it. Decided to pull out. There are better places that money can go, you know?”
“You sure?” Jason asked. “You could make a shit ton more if you win.”
Eric nodded. “Yeah. I could. But it’s Christmas. Figured maybe I’d give it a rest, at least until the new year.”
Jason nodded in acceptance as he glanced down at Eric’s hand. “No beer?”
“Nah,” Eric replied, motioning with his glass. “Word on the street is I can be…less than desirable when I drink. Not trying to make an ass of myself tonight, you know?”
Jason nodded. “I get it.”
“She looks incredible tonight.”
It took a moment for Jason to register that Eric was talking about Juliet and he nodded in agreement. “Always has.” Then he looked over at him. “You talked to her?”
“No,” Eric shook his head. “No, I…it’s not a good idea. She doesn’t want anything to do with me and I want to respect her.”
“Come on, guy,” Jason scoffed. “You know that what women do best is overreact. Laying on the dramatics is their specialty! Hell, for all you know, she’s waiting for you to approach her.”
“No,” Eric replied quietly. “She isn’t. This isn’t your typical…you know, situation. Juliet’s different. And her trust is fragile. I’m, uh, I’m not going to bother her tonight.”
Jason looked Eric over for a moment, studying his sincerity. Then he glanced down regretfully at his own empty beer bottle. “You’re a real stand-up guy, you know that?”
Eric shrugged a shoulder and sipped his water. “Don’t really have a choice.”
And then Jason saw her again. She walked across the room, her shoulders thrown back in confidence, her hips swinging naturally with every purposeful step that she took. If only she would turn and walk toward him. If only she’d at least turn her head and notice him…
But her profile was enough for him to see how beautiful she was. Her jaw was smooth and sharp and her nose came to a dainty point. He longed to look into her eyes, but her body language said everything he knew her eyes would. She was pure and raw and wild. And in that moment, all he wanted to do was walk up to her, tangle his fingers into her thick hair, and pull until her chin helplessly pointed up at him so that he could easily taste the mouth he knew he craved. Then he would reach around and pull her body against his and lift her effortlessly off the floor and transport her to the nearest bedroom…
Fuck, he really needed to get laid.
Preferably by her.
“Hey, who’s that?” He asked Eric, nodding in her direction.
Eric followed his gaze. “Which one?”
“Obnoxious red dress. Can’t miss her.”
Eric shrugged a nonchalant shoulder. “I dunno.”
Suddenly, this annoyed Jason and he glared at Eric. “It’s your brother’s party. How the hell do you not know who’s here?”
“Like you said, it’s my brother’s party. These could be his people, Beth’s people…people of their people…I hardly know anybody around here tonight, honestly.”
Jason sneered silently and turned his attention back to her.
“Hey,” Eric smirked with amusement. “Why don’t you take your own advice? Why don’t you go over and talk to her?”
Sensing a challenge, Jason straightened his spine, squared his shoulders and smirked. “You know what? I’m going to. Watch and learn, baby bro.”
Eric glared at him and Jason took this to mean that he wasn’t particularly fond of the term of endearment frequently used by his twin. Jason didn’t care.
“I’ll let you know how it goes,” Jason winked.
“Right. Meanwhile, I’m headed out to smoke. You probably won’t want an audience while you tank.”
Jason shook his head as Eric walked away and toward the nearby sliding glass door. Eric was an all right guy. They’d gotten off on the wrong foot, but he determined that they’d get along just fine. In the meantime, though, Jason found himself a new mission to prove Blondie wrong.
Discarding his empty beer bottle, Jason smoothed out his shirt and ran a hand through his hair. He walked by a table and popped a mint into his mouth and then he made his way across the room.
Steps. He was mere steps away and he could hear her speaking, delightful four-letter words spilling out in strings in a voice so light and rich and deliberate. He was almost there, almost close enough to smell her hair…
And then he stopped dead in his tracks.
A guy walked up—not even someone he would classify as a man, but a guy, with dirty blonde hair that fell into a pair of eyes that gave off a sense of familiarity. He supposed he must have been someone of some importance, the way everyone’s eyes seemed to be on him, presumably in awe, but all Jason could see was the many ways he could snap him in half. It would be easy. A black, leather jacket hung off of his slender frame and his skinny jeans loudly told of how he desperately needed a leg day or two.
He slid his arm around her waist and she jerked her head over to look at him, her hair hiding the face Jason had so desperately wanted to look into. “It’s about damn time you showed up,” she snapped. “I’d already decided that you stood me up.”
“I’m sorry,” the guy said apologetically. “I really am, the gig ran over—“
“I’m sure it did,” she spat. “How many groupies did they have to peel off of you this time?”
“You know it’s not like that, you know it’s only you. I asked you to be there—“
“Except that I made a commitment—“
“You don’t even know anybody here.”
“I know plenty of people here. I was invited, wasn’t I?”
“You can’t fault me for having to work.”
“I can fault you for any goddamn thing I want to fault you for as long as it’s your fault and it is. I went out and fucking did my hair and bought this…this fucking monstrosity of a dress because you said you liked it—“
“Uh…actually, you bought it because you saw it in the store, hyperventilated over it, and then maxed out my credit card, even when I said it was a bad idea…”
“Well. That’s your fault, too. You insisted. You know I have my own money. I would have bought it myself, anyway.”
“Look,” he purred into her ear, pulling her disgustingly close to him. “Let me make it up to you…”
Jason didn’t want to hear anymore. This pipsqueak wasn’t near man enough for a woman like her, but then her tongue whipped so hard, he wasn’t sure he was man enough for the lashing, either. But damn if he wasn’t a better contender than this clown.
Defeated, Jason turned around and walked away. He hadn’t even gotten the opportunity to tank. To his relief, Eric Reynolds was nowhere to be found.
“JULIET CARSON?” THE red sequins squeaked as they grabbed Juliet’s hand in both of their own and squeezed the life out of her. “I can’t believe I’m finally—it’s such an honor to meet you, I’m a huge fan!”
Juliet supposed she couldn’t control her own facial expressions and her face must have read what she was thinking because the brunette instantly let her go and took a step backward. “Okay, ‘fan’ is a creepy word. I can’t believe I just…did that. I’m sorry.”
Juliet couldn’t help but smile. It could have been the delicious spice cake shots that Jonathan had whipped up, of which she’d had several, that warmed her insides and caused her to be so quickly forgiving, but she merely shook her head. “It’s okay. I’ve just never had anyone say that to me before, so forgive me for being caught off guard.”
“I’m not usually like that,” she said. “I don’t…’fangirl.’ I’ve dealt with too much of that in my life by proxy. But…I’ve been following you. And your career. And screw what all those assholes say about you out there, but I think you’re a fucking badass. You’re self-made, independent, and completely in control of your own life and you do whatever you want without a fuck to give about what anyone has to say about it. And I greatly admire you for that. The world needs more women like you.”
Juliet’s eyes widened and she blinked. The petite woman couldn’t have been much younger than her and her fashion sense was…fun. But it wasn’t the eye-catching dress that kept Juliet’s attention, but the flattery. And the bewilderment. No woman had ever approached her like that before. Women usually turned their noses up at her and looked the other way. Even tonight, she’d been greeted stiffly here and there, but nothing as genuine as this.
She didn’t know what to say. So she stammered, “Um, uh, thank you…”
The brunette curled her lip up in concern. “Is this weird? Am I creeping you out? This is weird, isn’t it?”
“No!” Juliet insisted. “No, not at all, I’m flattered, I’ve just…” She paused and she looked in the woman’s face and immediately felt the fire in her hazel eyes. She looked her up and down, observing her confident stature despite her fidgeting hands, and determined that anyone who could walk around in such a flashy dress and platform stilettos and make it look completely effortless and normal in a room full of stiff suits and pencil skirts was okay in Juliet’s book. So she calmed herself and let out a breath with a smile. “Women don’t like me,” she admitted. “Except for Beth. Beth likes me.”
“Women are afraid of you,” the brunette admitted bluntly. “They don’t like you because they want what you have. They want the freedom and the independence to live the way you do. They want control of their lives, they want to leave their mundane existences and live and love freely, just the way you do. Jealousy is an ugly color to wear and the women in this city…” she paused to look around. “Hideous, for the most part.”
Juliet liked her instantly. Sadly, however, the poor thing didn’t know how wrong she was. Sure, maybe that was the kind of life Juliet lived on the outside. And it would be a wonderful life to live if it were the truth. But the truth was, on the inside, Juliet was a prisoner. A prisoner to herself. And what all these other women didn’t realize was that Juliet was envious of every single one of them. Including the little firecracker that stood in front of her.
Before Juliet could utter another word, however, the firecracker glanced out of the corner of her eye and huffed in annoyance following an eye roll. “My boyfriend just walked in.”
“You don’t seem too enthusiastic about it.”
She sighed and shook her head. “He’s a musician. He’s very popular with his female fan base, if you know what I mean. I mean, I can’t blame them, he’s very pretty and…I mean, I know he doesn’t mess around with them, but I’m a naturally jealous person, I can’t help it. And nobody messes with my man, I don’t care what your intentions are. What’s mine is mine, you know?”
No, Juliet didn’t really know, but it was one more emotion she figured she’d missed out on in life. At least this woman’s man knew he was hers. He knew where he stood with her. Did Eric know where he’d stood with Juliet? Hell, Juliet didn’t even know where she stood with Juliet. How could she expect him to know?
Speaking of Eric, he’d just come into Juliet’s line of vision, standing there talking to…Jason? This evening was getting stranger and stranger by the minute.
Juliet smiled. “Well, I suppose you better go greet him. I, on the other hand, just spotted my ex and it…ended badly, so I’d rather not be in the same room as him, if you know what I mean.”
The brunette’s eyes lit up. “Oh, you mean that hot blonde you’ve been seen around town with?” Instantly, she clamped her mouth shut. “I’m sorry. That was rude. I don’t want to pry, forget I even asked. Anyway, um, yeah, enjoy your evening. It was so great to finally meet you.”
She turned and walked away and it was then that Juliet realized, “Hey! I didn’t get your…name…” But the firecracker was long gone and Juliet was left in the dust with her thoughts.
And with Eric in her direct line of sight. Who hadn’t seen her, yet, thank God. Now was the time to make a break for it. And she needed a cigarette like she needed air.
Come to think of it, air would be great, too.
* * *
Juliet found her coat in Beth’s bedroom and wrapped it around her body before she slipped out of the sliding glass door in a less-populated corner of the living room. The living room was sealed off by full floor-to ceiling windows, creating a panoramic-type view of the city, with the balcony wrapping around the length of it. The balcony was populated by smokers and drinkers alike, but she was able to find herself a quiet corner away from everyone else as she pulled a cigarette and a lighter out of her clutch and helped herself to the calming of her nerves.
When had she made smoking a regular habit, she wondered as she rested her arms on the railing and peered out over the city. But it was true. A week or two ago, she assumed, was when she started buying packs regularly and carrying them around in her purse. She’d made friends with her staff in the smoking area at work, an area she’d never visited before, and became increasingly annoyed at how there were no hostesses that asked “Smoking or non?” anymore.
What was wrong with this world?
What was wrong with hers?
It was freezing outside, but Juliet chose to ignore it. The moment of peace was worth it, as it seemed that every move she made in the past hour caused the walls to close in on her more and more. She had to support Beth, though. That’s who this night was about. It was about Beth and Travis and their party, it was not about Juliet and Eric and their disaster of a relationship. As difficult as seeing him was, she had to set it all aside and support her friend. After all, blood was thicker than water and Beth was the closest to blood she had ever had. Beth would always come first, no matter what.
Dr. Thorne would be proud.
Juliet smirked to herself as she flicked her ashes. Admittedly, she was proud of herself. She was proud of her progress. It wasn’t much, but it was a noticeable step in the right direction. It was getting easier to talk about it all, even through the tears and the agony it took to get the words out, at least Dr. Thorne sat there and listened to her. She didn’t hold her and kiss her and promise to protect her and she sure didn’t pitch a fit when Juliet couldn’t handle it anymore.
And just when she was thinking good thoughts about the therapist, something she said came at Juliet out of left field, another moment she tried to suppress and forget about. “Don’t forget that Eric is the first person you opened up to. After so many years of suppressing and trying to forget, you reached out to him. And you didn’t even think twice about it. I think that speaks volumes.” And then she went into some analogies about animals and children and sixth senses and trust and shit.
But deep down, she knew Dr. Thorne was right, as much as she wanted to forget it now. Eric chased the nightmares away. Eric was warm and his arms kept her safe. His smile was the mighty sword and his eyes…were home. Eric was home.
Juliet wanted to go home.
She sucked in a long drag of her cigarette as she tried to shake the thought out of her head and swallow the lump in her throat. Eric wasn’t an option anymore, he’d made sure of that. Her own well-being and her own state of mind were of much more importance than any man ever would be and that was the choice she was making from now on.
As she looked on over the glittering city lights, fighting not to remember what it felt like to view them in Eric’s arms, from inside his bedroom, a sound filled her ears with dread. “I really wish you’d stop smoking that shit,” Travis’s voice came faintly from behind.
“It’s fine,” Eric replied, his voice closer than Travis’s. “Don’t worry about it.”
Juliet froze in place. Her heart pounded and the tension in her body caused her back to fill with deliberate pain. She could feel him behind her. She could feel his eyes on her. His presence was ominous and it coursed through her veins like the drug she knew was bad for her but never had the strength to resist.
Her breath shortened as she heard the footsteps approach. Chills assaulted her skin from head to toe as he stopped beside her. He stayed at least a foot away and he didn’t bat an eyelash in her direction. He merely pulled his own cigarette and lighter out of his coat pocket and he mirrored her current stance, resting his own arms on the railing and blowing the sweet menthol smoke out over the city.
They stood there in silence, but the silence pounded in her ears. She could barely concentrate on her own stick of sin for the whole body of it standing beside her. She was scared to death that he would speak to her—it was inevitable, he could never keep his mouth shut. Except that this time, he did. After a minute, after she realized that he wasn’t going to utter a word, she relaxed back into the railing and inhaled a mouthful of smoke.
It didn’t make her any less uncomfortable, however. She was uncomfortable because she hated how calming his presence was. She hated feeling like everything was right in the world as he stood there beside her, she hated feeling invincible in his presence, she hated…she hated feeling at all. She hated him. God, she hated him and she hated how much she missed him.
Juliet was a complete fucking mess.
She tried to steal glances at him without him noticing. He never once looked her way. Did she want him to, though? Could she handle looking into his eyes in this close a proximity of him? Because once she looked into the ecstasy of his eyes, she knew she might give in to him. She knew the risk was there. Right there in that moment, she wanted to grasp the lapels of his coat and pull him close to her and lose herself in her addiction to his kiss. God, he looked so incredible. And he smelled incredible, too. Of musk and tobacco, with faint hints of beer and mint…
Stop trying to throw yourself at him! He hurt you! You can’t trust him anymore!
Her feet stayed firmly in place and her eyes stayed glued to the lights below her. Her cigarette was almost finished and by now the whole idea of it was obsolete, anyway. After all, her nerves hadn’t calmed at all. Wasn’t that the point of the cigarette?
She was about to just be finished with it and snuff it out and admit defeat to the whole smoking process, when Eric had seemingly beat her to it. Snuffing his own out on the railing under him, he shoved the bud back in his pocket and then he stood there for a moment. Shit, this was it. This was when he spoke to her and she made the life-altering decision of how to react to it. She braced herself. She wasn’t ready for this. She would never be ready for this.
But he didn’t say a word. His hand came out of his pocket, and his arm extended across the railing in front of her. Then his eyes flashed into hers for a split second and he walked away.
Wait, that was it? That couldn’t be it! No, he was supposed to speak! He was supposed to ask her how she was or tell her he was sorry or how much he missed her or shoot off a witty one-liner or something. Sure, she would probably snap at him rudely in response or something, but at least…at least…
At least what? She never wanted to speak to him again.
Turning around, she watched him, helplessly, as he disappeared back into the penthouse, her heart filled with sickening regret. Her eyes filled involuntarily with tears as she realized that this was, indeed, the end. By her own choice, of course, but now she wondered if she’d been ready for it. Even with the words he’d spoken and her choice to forget he existed, had she been ready for it?
Turning back around, she looked back out over Manhattan, having never felt so small in her entire life. Remembering his action before he disappeared, she glanced down at the railing and her eyes widened, her chin quivering as her jaw dropped.
Sucking in a short breath, she picked up the tiny Hershey kiss that sat on the steel underneath her. And then she gripped it tightly in her fist and burst into silent, helpless sobs.
DRESSED IN ONE of Travis’s old tee shirts, Beth entered the bedroom and stopped dead in her tracks, an unamused eyebrow arched at her boyfriend. “Really?” She deadpanned.
Travis lay comfortably in bed, grinning triumphantly as the mistletoe jingled on that stupid headband. He wasn’t wearing a shirt, so that helped, but still… “Come on, baby,” he continued to grin as he reached over and turned the bed down for her. “Come to Papa Christmas, tell him what you want. Have you been a good girl this year?”
She couldn’t help herself. He was so incredibly dorky, but she loved every second of it. Shaking her head, she crawled into bed and directly into his arms. “If I kiss you, will you take that thing off?”
“Make it a good one,” he demanded.
She kissed him. And then she rode him until the sound of his voice carried expletives throughout the apartment.
Now she lay wrapped tightly in his arms in the dark, the beating of their hearts the only sound in the room.
“Beth,” Travis said softly. “Tonight was awesome, wasn’t it?”
Beth smiled into the night. “It was.”
“It went a lot better than Thanksgiving.”
“Actually, Thanksgiving went pretty well. It was just…us that was the problem.”
“I’m glad you decided to keep me.”
“I was never going to give you up.”
“Thank you for tolerating me. You know, for all of it, the stupid shit. The headband and my loud mouth and the…obnoxious gift bags…”
“Those went over really well, actually.”
“Come on. Even I can admit it was stupid.”
Beth laughed lightly. “Okay. The bags were a little obnoxious.” She turned over to face him and she reached up and caressed his cheek. “But I’m so proud of you. This is the first…real party I’ve ever hosted and I’m glad it was with you. I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.”
“But—that night we met, wasn’t--?”
“That was technically Juliet’s party. Whether or not she was forced into it is mere speculation at this point.”
Travis chuckled and his lips met her forehead. “We make a great team, don’t we?”
Smiling, she let her hand trail down his shoulder as her nose brushed against his. “Papa Christmas?”
“Yes, my child.”
Her smile widened in amusement. “I know what I want for Christmas.”
“Anything.”
“I want to sell my condo. And I want to live with you. Always.”
“Can I tell you a secret?” He whispered.
“Of course.”
“I put your condo on the market last week.”
Forgiveness: “The intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, lets go of negative emotions such as vengefulness, with an increased ability to wish the offender well.”
FORGIVENESS IS A funny thing. It was the subject of the entire week’s therapy sessions and it was something that Juliet was fighting with. After everything she went through in her life, those who had hurt her and used her and wronged her, how did anyone deserve to be forgiven? Her life had been hell. An absolute living nightmare. She still suffered in the aftermath and it affected her current life and she was supposed to…reverse negative attitudes and wish those monsters well? Well? She wished they would die slow, brutal, inhumane deaths a thousand times over.
“All right, then. Why don’t we start with Eric?” Dr. Thorne had suggested. “After all, he didn’t actually physically hurt you, did he?”
“No,” Juliet deadpanned. “But he betrayed my trust. He became someone different. He made a fool out of me.”
“Still, though,” Dr. Thorne pointed out. “He is the lesser of the two evils.”
The thing Juliet hated the most about the entire thing was that, in her last session, she’d been forced to vocalize the one feeling that she’d been suppressing since Eric had said those words: that deep down, she knew in her heart of hearts that Eric would never lay a finger on her to hurt her.
Juliet didn’t want to forgive him, though. Forgiving gave him power. It meant that he’d won. It was an open invitation to tear her heart out again, no matter how hard Dr. Thorne tried to convince her otherwise.
No, Eric hadn’t touched her. And he wouldn’t. But the fact that he’d even thought enough to say what he’d said? More hurtful than any strike she could have taken.
Juliet didn’t care how much she flirted with the idea of forgiving him—because it was extremely tempting and it made loads of sense—she wouldn’t do it. She wouldn’t forgive him. She wouldn’t wish him well…even if she did pray on a nightly basis that he was taking his insulin or that Travis was keeping a close eye on him or that his father was cutting him some slack at work.
And she certainly wouldn’t flirt with how happy she could possibly be once she’d forgiven him.
Because she would never forgive him.
Sucking in a deep breath, Juliet held her chin high as she stood in front of her bedroom’s full-length mirror. Choosing her party dress had been easy at first. Until she put on the red cocktail dress and stared at it in the mirror, down to her legs, and back up to where it hugged her waist. Red was the universal color of Christmas. It was bright and jolly and festive. It was also the color of power and confidence and strength.
And Eric’s favorite color on her.
No. This dress would never do. Besides, this was Beth’s party. Juliet didn’t want to be powerful and domineering. She just wanted to try to relax and have fun.
So she eyed the dark green velvet number that lay across her bed. Snatching it up, she held it against her body. The green was warm. And inviting. And approachable. And just as reputable a Christmas color as red was, if not more. The green would be perfect, yes. If only the material wasn’t so damn thick. She remembered sweating profusely every time she put it on. It why she never wore it. She wanted the warmth to be a human emotion, not her actual body temperature.
With a huff, she tossed the dress back onto the bed.
She really liked this red dress, though. With her hair pinned up off her shoulders and the right set of pearls, she could make this spaghetti-strapped number elegant, couldn’t she?
Then her eyes widened when she thought of the pearls and she couldn’t get out of the red dress fast enough. She then made a mad dash for her closet and feverishly leafed through her dresses until her eyes finally landed on the prize—and it was perfection. Cream-colored cashmere, wide-necked with a turned-down collar, three-quarter length sleeves, and just reached her knees. It accentuated her features just enough to be elegant with just a hint of sex appeal and, paired with a loose up-do and the right ruby jewelry, it would be absolutely perfect for tonight! Juliet grinned as she pulled her prize off the rack. She felt like Cinderella as the mice made her very first ball gown. It was modest and demure, but beautiful.
As she readied herself, checking the time often, as she was due at Beth’s a couple of hours before the party, Juliet smiled. It would be a beautiful party. The caterers were perfect and would be whipping up and serving a vast array of fun, classic, and filling Christmas hors d’oeuvres, the bar would be stocked with limitless spirits and mixers, a hired bartender specializing in Christmas-themed cocktails. Classic Christmas music would ring out through the penthouse and the décor would be an ever-elegant red and silver. “Silver Bells is the theme,” Juliet had announced to Beth. She breathed in a breath and smiled. “I just love that song. It’s one of my favorites.”
Silver bells were the theme all over the penthouse. On the tables, in the doorways, so tastefully arranged…and then Juliet gasped at herself in the mirror. The doorways! There were bells hanging from the doorways. But it was Beth’s and Travis’s party—what if they hung mistletoe? Jesus, why hadn’t she thought of that? Travis would be just the one to suggest it just so that he could catch Beth all over the house.
But Eric…
Eric would waste no time being up to his old tricks and manipulating a situation where he’d catch Juliet underneath it. She would die. She would never be able to resist shoving her tongue down his throat until he choked! Then she would die.
Juliet smiled wryly to herself. She wished he would choke. He deserved it.
Then her face fell.
Because she knew she’d be the first person at his side to resuscitate him.
Yes, this forgiveness thing was tricky. And she hated it.
* * *
Juliet gaped inside the silver gift bag that she held open with her finger. “Beth,” she whispered loudly. “This isn’t some…Hollywood awards show.”
“I know,” Beth whispered back, letting out a breath. “But Travis insisted. He said that it’s Christmas and our guests shouldn’t leave empty-handed.”
“You’re throwing them a whole god damned party!”
Beth blinked dreamily. “But he looked so happy. You should have seen his smile!”
Juliet grumbled inaudibly, choosing to ignore the way the very same smile on a different face caused her to melt. Instead, she focused on the monstrosities in the bag. Gift cards, electronics, jewelry-- “Is that a Rolex?” Juliet squeaked.
Beth nodded, curling her lip up in regret.
Juliet let go of the bag and stepped away, shaking her head. “I don’t even want to know about the diamonds. I’m not even taking one of these home.”
“Oh, but yours is special!” Beth grinned excitedly.
Juliet glared at her. “Your boyfriend is insane.”
Beth’s grin widened. “But that’s why I love him.”
“Have you told him, yet?”
“Ladies!” Travis’s voice rang out behind them.
Both women glanced behind them to watch Travis approach them at the gift table. “What the hell is he wearing?” Juliet murmured.
Travis looked incredible, as always. He pulled off “hobo chic” like no other, with his blonde scruff bringing out the blue in his eyes and his unruly, shoulder-length locks popped up in a ponytail on top of his head. He wore some type of red and white argyle cardigan over a white tank, faded jeans, and…bare feet. Naturally. He was a complete hippie—manufactured by Calvin Klein.
But it wasn’t his hair or his outfit, or even the beer bottle he clutched in his hand. It was the headband he wore with the fake mistletoe hanging off of it. Juliet was appalled.
He approached, slinging an arm around each of their necks, stealing a kiss from Beth, the headband jingling away, making it that much more hideous. “Ladies! Admiring the hardware?’
Juliet curled her nose up at him. “This is a Christmas party, not some bullshit frat party.”
“Hey,” he smirked. “The ladies never left my party with diamonds, I’ll tell you that.”
“That’s another subject entirely,” Juliet replied with an arched brow. “But for now I’m referring to that tacky abomination on your head.”
“It’s Christmas!” He laughed. “And it’s my party, I can wear what I want to.” Then he leaned over and planted a loud, sloppy smooch on her cheek. Proud of himself, he smiled. “There. Now you can stop being jealous of my cutting-edge fashion sense.”
Juliet’s nostrils flared at a much-too-amused Beth. “Believe me, jealousy is an emotion I will never feel towards…that.”
“Ah, lighten up, have some eggnog. That bartender you hired sure knows his shit, that’s for sure.”
Juliet smiled triumphantly. “Of course he does. I handpicked him myself.”
Growing serious, Travis let his arm fall from Juliet’s shoulders. “Look, I’m really glad you made it tonight. It means a lot—to both me and Beth. And thank you for everything you’ve done for the party. It’s fucking amazing.”
Her smile widened. “Well, I was glad to do it. And I’m happy to be here.”
“You are?” Beth asked hopefully.
“I am,” Juliet nodded.
Beth’s eyes brightened excitedly at Travis. “I want to give her her bag now.”
“Babe…” Travis warned. “We agreed we would wait.”
“Okay, we waited. Please, can we give it to her?”
“Fine,” he relented.
With a giggle, Beth escaped and returned within seconds with a silver bag and thrust it at Juliet. “Merry Christmas! Hurry, open it!”
“Is there even anything in it?” Juliet joked. “You know, it feels like exactly what I wanted—nothing.”
But with a smile, she poked through the tissue anyway. Inside were two envelopes. In the thicker one, she pulled out an itinerary for a spa weekend getaway for two. Looking up at Beth, the blood drained from her face. She wouldn’t…
Beth giggled. “It’s for you and me! First weekend in January, girls’ weekend, starting the year off right!”
Juliet smiled, letting out a breath of relief. Her heart rate, however, fought to come down along with her breathing. “Ah. Well. I’m looking forward to it, it sounds like exactly what we both need after the year we’ve had.”
“Right?” Beth agreed. “Anyway, keep going.”
In the second envelope was a…receipt? It took a moment of studying for Juliet to understand what it was and, when she did, she blinked the threat of tears out of her eyes and looked up at Beth and Travis. “What did you do?” She whispered.
Glancing at Travis, Beth answered, “We funded Loving Care’s meals for Christmas day. And then Travis had a brilliant idea and we had a fund started specifically for utilities. Donated funds to utility bills can be deposited directly into it. We, um, put a little jumpstart in there and…we did it all in your name. I—we—know how much the home means to you and…” Beth paused to smile. “I know how the diamonds and the cards would have been thrown back into Travis’s face.”
“With force,” Juliet laughed. Then she sniffed her tears back and dabbed her eyes with her index knuckle. “You guys. This is wonderful. It’s perfect, it’s—I don’t even know how to thank you enough.”
“Look around,” Travis smiled. “If it were left up to me, there’d be a keg in the corner and beer pong with elf hats next to it. Merry Christmas.”
Juliet smiled and she hugged them both tightly. “You two are the best, you know that? I love you both. Merry Christmas.”
“All right,” Travis said as he pulled away. “Are we done with the mushy shit tonight? The party’s getting started and I’m…” His voice trailed off as he looked at Beth. “Not single and ready to mingle?”
“You got the not single part right,” Beth deadpanned. “If that thing on your head finds any other woman’s lips but mine, so help me God…”
“Don’t worry,” Travis smiled as he adjusted it on his head. “I just wanna wear it long enough to see Barry’s face when I approach him. It’ll be worth it.”
He pecked Beth’s cheek one more time before he walked away and Beth shook her head and crossed her arms over her chest. “Boys will be boys.”
As the evening progressed, the party grew. In the mix, Juliet lost Beth, but that was okay. She had plenty to keep her company. Manuel introduced her to his beautiful boyfriend, Carter, before actively scolding her for styling her own hair. “I’m not saying it looks bad, darling, I’m just saying that…uggh, you should have just called me!”
Jason showed up sans his miniature carbon copy and he looked magnificent, the way his white sweater glowed against his naturally tan skin. “Look at that,” he smiled amused. “Great minds think alike. Hey, if we got a picture in front of the tree, it would be the perfect Christmas card!” The alcohol and the joyous aura in the air caused her to go for it and, soon, they were taking cliché prom pictures and horrible “family” photos in front of Travis’s—or Beth’s, rather—enormously elaborate tree. And then they howled in laughter all over again as they reviewed them.
It felt good to laugh. It felt wonderful. It felt calm and freeing. It was something Juliet didn’t realize she desperately needed until she found herself in the act and she never wanted to stop laughing, even when the tears threatened to ruin her mascara. But, alas, the moment was over and Travis, who had played photographer, actively went in search of a worthy victim with the mistletoe still hanging from his head and Jason saw some people he wanted to say hello to. Left to her own devices, Juliet spotted Beth standing by the portable bar and she nearly leapt for joy.
Beth smiled as Juliet approached. “Jules! I was looking for you!”
Juliet returned the smile. “What’s going on?”
“Jonathan, here, has offered up a taste test of a few of his creations and I thought maybe you’d like to partake.”
“Absolutely,” Juliet replied enthusiastically. Turning her torso around, her full attention on the young man behind the bar, she was delighted to have a distraction. “What’s first?”
The cute brunette with the lashes for days presented them with a plate. On the plate, were marshmallows--browned on the bottom and hollowed out in the middle. Juliet’s eyes widened. “What is this?”
Jonathan smiled, exposing his swoon-worthy dimples, and he winked. “These are toasted marshmallow shot glasses and this…” he trailed off, pouring into them, “is Bailey’s.”
“That’s it?” Juliet blinked, astonished.
“Sometimes less is more.”
“Okay,” Beth grinned excitedly. “How do we do it? Just shoot and eat?”
“Yep,” he replied. “That’s all there is to it.”
“And you invented this?” Juliet asked.
“No,” he shook his head. “But it’s cool, isn’t it?”
Together, Beth and Juliet nearly inhaled their tasty treats. Juliet’s mouth screamed for more. “Beth…this is absolutely…we need these. We need more of these and I’m going to…need someone to carry me home tonight.”
Beth howled with laughter. “Now, now, dear friend. We mustn’t be trashy hostesses.”
Juliet scoffed. “Speak for yourself. This is your party, not mine. Hit me, Johnny.”
As she watched him prepare two shot glasses with white liquid and sprinkles on the rim, speaking something about spice cake, Juliet lost her train of thought quickly as another voice filled her ears unexpectedly and she lost all focus on what was going on in front of her.
“Put me down for five,” he said.
“For Brezetski?” Terrell asked.
“Fuck yeah, for Brezetski. He’s gonna beat the shit out of that nobody and I’m gonna clean every one of you assholes out.”
“All right, then,” Terrell replied. “Five hundred for—“
“Thousand,” Eric corrected. “Five thousand.”
“Come on!” A chorus of four or five male voices rang out in objection to what even Juliet agreed was an outlandish wager.
“Just watch,” Eric replied confidently. “Watch and see. This newbie doesn’t stand a chance, everybody knows that.”
Juliet failed to fight the urge to turn around and her heart pounded as she rested her arm on the bar and turned her head. He was across the room, next to the sliding glass door, surrounded by Terrell, Travis, a few of their friends, and…Jason? She didn’t have time to take in the uncanny coincidence, however, as her eyes remained helplessly glued to Eric. He looked absolutely incredible. The first thing she’d noticed was his haircut. He’d styled it completely differently, but it suited him perfectly. It was short on the sides—Manuel would probably call that fading—and a little longer on top. The little bit that remained on top was pushed back off his forehead, presumably with product, which was something Juliet didn’t think he owned, but the new cut seemed to show more of his face, which made him even more beautiful than he already was, if that was possible. He looked well as he laughed with his friends, which was the first thing about him that sent her heart soaring the first time she ever laid eyes on him, and her heart skipped as many beats now as it had then. He was relaxed in a pair of jeans and a navy blue sweater that fit him so right that she could see how he’d grown in muscle since she last saw him. God, he was everything her dreams were made of.
Unfortunately, she wasn’t able to turn around before his eyes caught hers and, slowly, he lowered the beer bottle he had brought to his lips. It was apparent that he hadn’t expected to see her there, judging by his expression and then, as quickly shocked as he was, his face calmed and he studied her. Her heart pounded wildly in her chest and she could feel her body overheating quickly. She swallowed the lump that rose in her throat and planted her feet firmly on the floor so that she didn’t send herself flying into his arms. Because, despite the way she felt about him currently, that was exactly what she wanted to do in the moment. She wanted to fling herself into his arms and never let go.
But it wasn’t possible. So she turned her attention back to Beth, closing her eyes to collect herself, but unable to stop the tear that escaped one of them. As Juliet quickly wiped it off of her cheek, Beth placed a hand gently on her shoulder. “Sweetie,” she said softly. “Are you okay?”
“I don’t know,” Juliet whispered with a headshake. “I don’t know, I—don’t tell me he’s coming over here. Please don’t let him come over here.”
“He isn’t.”
“Are you sure?”
“Uh…pretty sure. I mean, that requires walking, right? Not just standing there and silently mouthing to me, ‘Is she okay…’”
“Don’t answer him,” Juliet rushed. “Jesus, don’t even acknowledge it.”
“Jules,” Beth replied with concern. “I didn’t want this to be difficult on you—“
Juliet then sucked in her emotions, widened her eyes and blinked. “It isn’t. I’m fine. Everything is fine.”
“I don’t—I don’t think it is…”
“Spice cake shots?” Jonathan offered suddenly.
“Yes!” Juliet exclaimed. “Yes, please! And then make us your best holiday martinis and send us on our way. I have a feeling we could get into a lot of trouble with you.”
No, the truth was, Juliet could get into a lot of trouble with herself. Eric was bad news. She couldn’t let herself fall into that trap again. She couldn’t get reeled in by his smile or his laugh or the way he made her feel when their eyes met. She couldn’t allow it—and she wouldn’t. They weren’t meant to be, he’d already shown her that. He was just like everyone in her life ever was, a pretty picture painted for the world, but a completely different entity on the inside. No. The hurt and the betrayal was just too much.
Saved by Beth, her best friend linked their arms together, handed Juliet her martini glass, and led her into another room. Maybe someone ought to let Travis know that his date was now taken for the evening…
JASON WOULD BE lying if he didn’t admit to himself that he felt slightly awkward walking into this party. Reintroducing himself back into New York society hadn’t been incredibly easy, seeing as how he spent the majority of his time holed up in his apartment, helping his son with math homework. Snagging a few hours of adult time was as rare as it came and he seized every opportunity he could get. So as soon as he’d gotten off the phone with Beth and her invitation, he turned right around and called Clara to check her schedule. Now Noah was having cookies and milk at a sleepover with Clara’s grandchildren and Jason…was finding it painfully difficult to stop staring at Juliet in that tight, white dress.
It relieved his tension, however, when he’d arrived to a bubbly brunette who had already gotten a head start on the Christmas cheer. Between Travis’s ridiculous headgear and the laughter he shared with Juliet by the tree, and after a couple of starter beers, Jason loosened up pretty quickly. He tried to forget how awkward it felt, hanging out with Juliet’s ex while she stood across the room, but she seemed to be occupied, so it could have been worse, he decided. Eric looked a ton better, Jason had to admit. Fresh face, fresh hair…fresh smile. He seemed to be in better spirits, which was great for him, it was what he needed. Jason was glad to see him well. His curiosity, though, was still piqued and when he finally got Travis alone for a moment, he leaned over and asked, “How’s he doing?”
“Better,” Travis shrugged. “I guess. He stays at work all day. He’s taking his insulin, he’s coming out of the house. And I caught him a couple of times in his storage, loading tools and shit into his truck. Apparently he’s keeping busy. And it’s working for him.”
“Good, good,” Jason nodded. “Good for him.”
“Yeah,” Travis agreed. “Yeah, he worries me, that one.”
“People cope with shit differently,” Jason said. “Relationships end, your heart gets broken and…I mean, you gotta be allowed to grieve.”
Travis arched and eyebrow at him. “You’re the one who said—“
“Yeah. I did. Because there’s grieving and there’s jeopardizing your health. You said you were concerned for his well-being and you dealt with it. You’re a good brother. But sometimes you just gotta trust a person enough to allow them to grieve on their own.”
“You’re confusing the shit out of me, dude. That sounds like a complete contradiction of what you said last week—“
“Yeah, well. At the moment, I don’t even know what the hell I’m talking about…”
It was true. Because now Jason’s eyes were elsewhere and his lips forgot how to move. Her back was turned, but it didn’t even matter, he was mesmerized just the same. She wore a short, backless, long-sleeved red dress that was made entirely of sequins. Her skin was the color of flawless creamy peach and her mass of thick, dark, unruly waves cascaded down her back, nearly touching that tight, perfect ass. In fact, her entire body was tight and she was the most petite form he had ever laid eyes on. She was engaged in animated conversation with a small group of people around her, evidently the life of their little party and, as she spoke, she placed a sassy hand on her hip and sashayed to the side in a way that caused Jason’s knees to nearly hit the floor.
“J,” Travis said, ripping Jason out of his trance. “You okay?”
“Yeah…” his voice trailed off, glancing over at Travis. “Hey, who’s that?”
Travis looked ahead of them. “Who?”
“That,” Jason motioned with his beer. And then he was stumped. She was gone. His heart sank. “Never mind.”
“Okay… Look, I’m gonna go find one more person to accost with this thing before I get rid of it,” Travis’s eyes motioned upward, crossing just a little. “Beth’s starting to give me the evil eye about it. These women are so damn picky, aren’t they?”
“Tell me about it,” Jason murmured. But he had a feeling he’d let the little pixie in the red disco dress be picky with him till her heart was content.
As Travis walked away, Jason scanned the room, but there was no sign of her. With nothing else better to do, he lazily sauntered across the room with no real destination, quickly checking his phone for any possible messages from Clara.
As he pocketed his phone, Eric approached him, a water glass in his hand and the other hand shoved in his pocket. “Hey,” Eric murmured.
“Hey,” Jason greeted him. “Quite a wager you made back there.”
“Yeah,” Eric smirked. “That guy’s a sure thing. If I was worried about losing it, I wouldn’t have bet so high.”
“I hear you there.”
“Anyway, I, uh, took the wager back.”
Jason lifted his brows. “Oh?”
“Yeah. I thought about it. Decided to pull out. There are better places that money can go, you know?”
“You sure?” Jason asked. “You could make a shit ton more if you win.”
Eric nodded. “Yeah. I could. But it’s Christmas. Figured maybe I’d give it a rest, at least until the new year.”
Jason nodded in acceptance as he glanced down at Eric’s hand. “No beer?”
“Nah,” Eric replied, motioning with his glass. “Word on the street is I can be…less than desirable when I drink. Not trying to make an ass of myself tonight, you know?”
Jason nodded. “I get it.”
“She looks incredible tonight.”
It took a moment for Jason to register that Eric was talking about Juliet and he nodded in agreement. “Always has.” Then he looked over at him. “You talked to her?”
“No,” Eric shook his head. “No, I…it’s not a good idea. She doesn’t want anything to do with me and I want to respect her.”
“Come on, guy,” Jason scoffed. “You know that what women do best is overreact. Laying on the dramatics is their specialty! Hell, for all you know, she’s waiting for you to approach her.”
“No,” Eric replied quietly. “She isn’t. This isn’t your typical…you know, situation. Juliet’s different. And her trust is fragile. I’m, uh, I’m not going to bother her tonight.”
Jason looked Eric over for a moment, studying his sincerity. Then he glanced down regretfully at his own empty beer bottle. “You’re a real stand-up guy, you know that?”
Eric shrugged a shoulder and sipped his water. “Don’t really have a choice.”
And then Jason saw her again. She walked across the room, her shoulders thrown back in confidence, her hips swinging naturally with every purposeful step that she took. If only she would turn and walk toward him. If only she’d at least turn her head and notice him…
But her profile was enough for him to see how beautiful she was. Her jaw was smooth and sharp and her nose came to a dainty point. He longed to look into her eyes, but her body language said everything he knew her eyes would. She was pure and raw and wild. And in that moment, all he wanted to do was walk up to her, tangle his fingers into her thick hair, and pull until her chin helplessly pointed up at him so that he could easily taste the mouth he knew he craved. Then he would reach around and pull her body against his and lift her effortlessly off the floor and transport her to the nearest bedroom…
Fuck, he really needed to get laid.
Preferably by her.
“Hey, who’s that?” He asked Eric, nodding in her direction.
Eric followed his gaze. “Which one?”
“Obnoxious red dress. Can’t miss her.”
Eric shrugged a nonchalant shoulder. “I dunno.”
Suddenly, this annoyed Jason and he glared at Eric. “It’s your brother’s party. How the hell do you not know who’s here?”
“Like you said, it’s my brother’s party. These could be his people, Beth’s people…people of their people…I hardly know anybody around here tonight, honestly.”
Jason sneered silently and turned his attention back to her.
“Hey,” Eric smirked with amusement. “Why don’t you take your own advice? Why don’t you go over and talk to her?”
Sensing a challenge, Jason straightened his spine, squared his shoulders and smirked. “You know what? I’m going to. Watch and learn, baby bro.”
Eric glared at him and Jason took this to mean that he wasn’t particularly fond of the term of endearment frequently used by his twin. Jason didn’t care.
“I’ll let you know how it goes,” Jason winked.
“Right. Meanwhile, I’m headed out to smoke. You probably won’t want an audience while you tank.”
Jason shook his head as Eric walked away and toward the nearby sliding glass door. Eric was an all right guy. They’d gotten off on the wrong foot, but he determined that they’d get along just fine. In the meantime, though, Jason found himself a new mission to prove Blondie wrong.
Discarding his empty beer bottle, Jason smoothed out his shirt and ran a hand through his hair. He walked by a table and popped a mint into his mouth and then he made his way across the room.
Steps. He was mere steps away and he could hear her speaking, delightful four-letter words spilling out in strings in a voice so light and rich and deliberate. He was almost there, almost close enough to smell her hair…
And then he stopped dead in his tracks.
A guy walked up—not even someone he would classify as a man, but a guy, with dirty blonde hair that fell into a pair of eyes that gave off a sense of familiarity. He supposed he must have been someone of some importance, the way everyone’s eyes seemed to be on him, presumably in awe, but all Jason could see was the many ways he could snap him in half. It would be easy. A black, leather jacket hung off of his slender frame and his skinny jeans loudly told of how he desperately needed a leg day or two.
He slid his arm around her waist and she jerked her head over to look at him, her hair hiding the face Jason had so desperately wanted to look into. “It’s about damn time you showed up,” she snapped. “I’d already decided that you stood me up.”
“I’m sorry,” the guy said apologetically. “I really am, the gig ran over—“
“I’m sure it did,” she spat. “How many groupies did they have to peel off of you this time?”
“You know it’s not like that, you know it’s only you. I asked you to be there—“
“Except that I made a commitment—“
“You don’t even know anybody here.”
“I know plenty of people here. I was invited, wasn’t I?”
“You can’t fault me for having to work.”
“I can fault you for any goddamn thing I want to fault you for as long as it’s your fault and it is. I went out and fucking did my hair and bought this…this fucking monstrosity of a dress because you said you liked it—“
“Uh…actually, you bought it because you saw it in the store, hyperventilated over it, and then maxed out my credit card, even when I said it was a bad idea…”
“Well. That’s your fault, too. You insisted. You know I have my own money. I would have bought it myself, anyway.”
“Look,” he purred into her ear, pulling her disgustingly close to him. “Let me make it up to you…”
Jason didn’t want to hear anymore. This pipsqueak wasn’t near man enough for a woman like her, but then her tongue whipped so hard, he wasn’t sure he was man enough for the lashing, either. But damn if he wasn’t a better contender than this clown.
Defeated, Jason turned around and walked away. He hadn’t even gotten the opportunity to tank. To his relief, Eric Reynolds was nowhere to be found.
“JULIET CARSON?” THE red sequins squeaked as they grabbed Juliet’s hand in both of their own and squeezed the life out of her. “I can’t believe I’m finally—it’s such an honor to meet you, I’m a huge fan!”
Juliet supposed she couldn’t control her own facial expressions and her face must have read what she was thinking because the brunette instantly let her go and took a step backward. “Okay, ‘fan’ is a creepy word. I can’t believe I just…did that. I’m sorry.”
Juliet couldn’t help but smile. It could have been the delicious spice cake shots that Jonathan had whipped up, of which she’d had several, that warmed her insides and caused her to be so quickly forgiving, but she merely shook her head. “It’s okay. I’ve just never had anyone say that to me before, so forgive me for being caught off guard.”
“I’m not usually like that,” she said. “I don’t…’fangirl.’ I’ve dealt with too much of that in my life by proxy. But…I’ve been following you. And your career. And screw what all those assholes say about you out there, but I think you’re a fucking badass. You’re self-made, independent, and completely in control of your own life and you do whatever you want without a fuck to give about what anyone has to say about it. And I greatly admire you for that. The world needs more women like you.”
Juliet’s eyes widened and she blinked. The petite woman couldn’t have been much younger than her and her fashion sense was…fun. But it wasn’t the eye-catching dress that kept Juliet’s attention, but the flattery. And the bewilderment. No woman had ever approached her like that before. Women usually turned their noses up at her and looked the other way. Even tonight, she’d been greeted stiffly here and there, but nothing as genuine as this.
She didn’t know what to say. So she stammered, “Um, uh, thank you…”
The brunette curled her lip up in concern. “Is this weird? Am I creeping you out? This is weird, isn’t it?”
“No!” Juliet insisted. “No, not at all, I’m flattered, I’ve just…” She paused and she looked in the woman’s face and immediately felt the fire in her hazel eyes. She looked her up and down, observing her confident stature despite her fidgeting hands, and determined that anyone who could walk around in such a flashy dress and platform stilettos and make it look completely effortless and normal in a room full of stiff suits and pencil skirts was okay in Juliet’s book. So she calmed herself and let out a breath with a smile. “Women don’t like me,” she admitted. “Except for Beth. Beth likes me.”
“Women are afraid of you,” the brunette admitted bluntly. “They don’t like you because they want what you have. They want the freedom and the independence to live the way you do. They want control of their lives, they want to leave their mundane existences and live and love freely, just the way you do. Jealousy is an ugly color to wear and the women in this city…” she paused to look around. “Hideous, for the most part.”
Juliet liked her instantly. Sadly, however, the poor thing didn’t know how wrong she was. Sure, maybe that was the kind of life Juliet lived on the outside. And it would be a wonderful life to live if it were the truth. But the truth was, on the inside, Juliet was a prisoner. A prisoner to herself. And what all these other women didn’t realize was that Juliet was envious of every single one of them. Including the little firecracker that stood in front of her.
Before Juliet could utter another word, however, the firecracker glanced out of the corner of her eye and huffed in annoyance following an eye roll. “My boyfriend just walked in.”
“You don’t seem too enthusiastic about it.”
She sighed and shook her head. “He’s a musician. He’s very popular with his female fan base, if you know what I mean. I mean, I can’t blame them, he’s very pretty and…I mean, I know he doesn’t mess around with them, but I’m a naturally jealous person, I can’t help it. And nobody messes with my man, I don’t care what your intentions are. What’s mine is mine, you know?”
No, Juliet didn’t really know, but it was one more emotion she figured she’d missed out on in life. At least this woman’s man knew he was hers. He knew where he stood with her. Did Eric know where he’d stood with Juliet? Hell, Juliet didn’t even know where she stood with Juliet. How could she expect him to know?
Speaking of Eric, he’d just come into Juliet’s line of vision, standing there talking to…Jason? This evening was getting stranger and stranger by the minute.
Juliet smiled. “Well, I suppose you better go greet him. I, on the other hand, just spotted my ex and it…ended badly, so I’d rather not be in the same room as him, if you know what I mean.”
The brunette’s eyes lit up. “Oh, you mean that hot blonde you’ve been seen around town with?” Instantly, she clamped her mouth shut. “I’m sorry. That was rude. I don’t want to pry, forget I even asked. Anyway, um, yeah, enjoy your evening. It was so great to finally meet you.”
She turned and walked away and it was then that Juliet realized, “Hey! I didn’t get your…name…” But the firecracker was long gone and Juliet was left in the dust with her thoughts.
And with Eric in her direct line of sight. Who hadn’t seen her, yet, thank God. Now was the time to make a break for it. And she needed a cigarette like she needed air.
Come to think of it, air would be great, too.
* * *
Juliet found her coat in Beth’s bedroom and wrapped it around her body before she slipped out of the sliding glass door in a less-populated corner of the living room. The living room was sealed off by full floor-to ceiling windows, creating a panoramic-type view of the city, with the balcony wrapping around the length of it. The balcony was populated by smokers and drinkers alike, but she was able to find herself a quiet corner away from everyone else as she pulled a cigarette and a lighter out of her clutch and helped herself to the calming of her nerves.
When had she made smoking a regular habit, she wondered as she rested her arms on the railing and peered out over the city. But it was true. A week or two ago, she assumed, was when she started buying packs regularly and carrying them around in her purse. She’d made friends with her staff in the smoking area at work, an area she’d never visited before, and became increasingly annoyed at how there were no hostesses that asked “Smoking or non?” anymore.
What was wrong with this world?
What was wrong with hers?
It was freezing outside, but Juliet chose to ignore it. The moment of peace was worth it, as it seemed that every move she made in the past hour caused the walls to close in on her more and more. She had to support Beth, though. That’s who this night was about. It was about Beth and Travis and their party, it was not about Juliet and Eric and their disaster of a relationship. As difficult as seeing him was, she had to set it all aside and support her friend. After all, blood was thicker than water and Beth was the closest to blood she had ever had. Beth would always come first, no matter what.
Dr. Thorne would be proud.
Juliet smirked to herself as she flicked her ashes. Admittedly, she was proud of herself. She was proud of her progress. It wasn’t much, but it was a noticeable step in the right direction. It was getting easier to talk about it all, even through the tears and the agony it took to get the words out, at least Dr. Thorne sat there and listened to her. She didn’t hold her and kiss her and promise to protect her and she sure didn’t pitch a fit when Juliet couldn’t handle it anymore.
And just when she was thinking good thoughts about the therapist, something she said came at Juliet out of left field, another moment she tried to suppress and forget about. “Don’t forget that Eric is the first person you opened up to. After so many years of suppressing and trying to forget, you reached out to him. And you didn’t even think twice about it. I think that speaks volumes.” And then she went into some analogies about animals and children and sixth senses and trust and shit.
But deep down, she knew Dr. Thorne was right, as much as she wanted to forget it now. Eric chased the nightmares away. Eric was warm and his arms kept her safe. His smile was the mighty sword and his eyes…were home. Eric was home.
Juliet wanted to go home.
She sucked in a long drag of her cigarette as she tried to shake the thought out of her head and swallow the lump in her throat. Eric wasn’t an option anymore, he’d made sure of that. Her own well-being and her own state of mind were of much more importance than any man ever would be and that was the choice she was making from now on.
As she looked on over the glittering city lights, fighting not to remember what it felt like to view them in Eric’s arms, from inside his bedroom, a sound filled her ears with dread. “I really wish you’d stop smoking that shit,” Travis’s voice came faintly from behind.
“It’s fine,” Eric replied, his voice closer than Travis’s. “Don’t worry about it.”
Juliet froze in place. Her heart pounded and the tension in her body caused her back to fill with deliberate pain. She could feel him behind her. She could feel his eyes on her. His presence was ominous and it coursed through her veins like the drug she knew was bad for her but never had the strength to resist.
Her breath shortened as she heard the footsteps approach. Chills assaulted her skin from head to toe as he stopped beside her. He stayed at least a foot away and he didn’t bat an eyelash in her direction. He merely pulled his own cigarette and lighter out of his coat pocket and he mirrored her current stance, resting his own arms on the railing and blowing the sweet menthol smoke out over the city.
They stood there in silence, but the silence pounded in her ears. She could barely concentrate on her own stick of sin for the whole body of it standing beside her. She was scared to death that he would speak to her—it was inevitable, he could never keep his mouth shut. Except that this time, he did. After a minute, after she realized that he wasn’t going to utter a word, she relaxed back into the railing and inhaled a mouthful of smoke.
It didn’t make her any less uncomfortable, however. She was uncomfortable because she hated how calming his presence was. She hated feeling like everything was right in the world as he stood there beside her, she hated feeling invincible in his presence, she hated…she hated feeling at all. She hated him. God, she hated him and she hated how much she missed him.
Juliet was a complete fucking mess.
She tried to steal glances at him without him noticing. He never once looked her way. Did she want him to, though? Could she handle looking into his eyes in this close a proximity of him? Because once she looked into the ecstasy of his eyes, she knew she might give in to him. She knew the risk was there. Right there in that moment, she wanted to grasp the lapels of his coat and pull him close to her and lose herself in her addiction to his kiss. God, he looked so incredible. And he smelled incredible, too. Of musk and tobacco, with faint hints of beer and mint…
Stop trying to throw yourself at him! He hurt you! You can’t trust him anymore!
Her feet stayed firmly in place and her eyes stayed glued to the lights below her. Her cigarette was almost finished and by now the whole idea of it was obsolete, anyway. After all, her nerves hadn’t calmed at all. Wasn’t that the point of the cigarette?
She was about to just be finished with it and snuff it out and admit defeat to the whole smoking process, when Eric had seemingly beat her to it. Snuffing his own out on the railing under him, he shoved the bud back in his pocket and then he stood there for a moment. Shit, this was it. This was when he spoke to her and she made the life-altering decision of how to react to it. She braced herself. She wasn’t ready for this. She would never be ready for this.
But he didn’t say a word. His hand came out of his pocket, and his arm extended across the railing in front of her. Then his eyes flashed into hers for a split second and he walked away.
Wait, that was it? That couldn’t be it! No, he was supposed to speak! He was supposed to ask her how she was or tell her he was sorry or how much he missed her or shoot off a witty one-liner or something. Sure, she would probably snap at him rudely in response or something, but at least…at least…
At least what? She never wanted to speak to him again.
Turning around, she watched him, helplessly, as he disappeared back into the penthouse, her heart filled with sickening regret. Her eyes filled involuntarily with tears as she realized that this was, indeed, the end. By her own choice, of course, but now she wondered if she’d been ready for it. Even with the words he’d spoken and her choice to forget he existed, had she been ready for it?
Turning back around, she looked back out over Manhattan, having never felt so small in her entire life. Remembering his action before he disappeared, she glanced down at the railing and her eyes widened, her chin quivering as her jaw dropped.
Sucking in a short breath, she picked up the tiny Hershey kiss that sat on the steel underneath her. And then she gripped it tightly in her fist and burst into silent, helpless sobs.
DRESSED IN ONE of Travis’s old tee shirts, Beth entered the bedroom and stopped dead in her tracks, an unamused eyebrow arched at her boyfriend. “Really?” She deadpanned.
Travis lay comfortably in bed, grinning triumphantly as the mistletoe jingled on that stupid headband. He wasn’t wearing a shirt, so that helped, but still… “Come on, baby,” he continued to grin as he reached over and turned the bed down for her. “Come to Papa Christmas, tell him what you want. Have you been a good girl this year?”
She couldn’t help herself. He was so incredibly dorky, but she loved every second of it. Shaking her head, she crawled into bed and directly into his arms. “If I kiss you, will you take that thing off?”
“Make it a good one,” he demanded.
She kissed him. And then she rode him until the sound of his voice carried expletives throughout the apartment.
Now she lay wrapped tightly in his arms in the dark, the beating of their hearts the only sound in the room.
“Beth,” Travis said softly. “Tonight was awesome, wasn’t it?”
Beth smiled into the night. “It was.”
“It went a lot better than Thanksgiving.”
“Actually, Thanksgiving went pretty well. It was just…us that was the problem.”
“I’m glad you decided to keep me.”
“I was never going to give you up.”
“Thank you for tolerating me. You know, for all of it, the stupid shit. The headband and my loud mouth and the…obnoxious gift bags…”
“Those went over really well, actually.”
“Come on. Even I can admit it was stupid.”
Beth laughed lightly. “Okay. The bags were a little obnoxious.” She turned over to face him and she reached up and caressed his cheek. “But I’m so proud of you. This is the first…real party I’ve ever hosted and I’m glad it was with you. I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.”
“But—that night we met, wasn’t--?”
“That was technically Juliet’s party. Whether or not she was forced into it is mere speculation at this point.”
Travis chuckled and his lips met her forehead. “We make a great team, don’t we?”
Smiling, she let her hand trail down his shoulder as her nose brushed against his. “Papa Christmas?”
“Yes, my child.”
Her smile widened in amusement. “I know what I want for Christmas.”
“Anything.”
“I want to sell my condo. And I want to live with you. Always.”
“Can I tell you a secret?” He whispered.
“Of course.”
“I put your condo on the market last week.”